12 years at times seems like a life time ago and then other times it seems like yesterday. I'm not sure why that is but none the less it is. 9/11 always brings back several memories and feelings for me. That time of my life was supposed to be such an exciting time. I had just found out we were going to have a baby girl (MacKenzie.) I had wanted to be a mommy since I was a little girl. During that exciting time my mom was fighting for her life. My gorgeous, creative, loving, kind, generous, God loving, best friend and Mom was battling brain cancer. We were in the last stages of her fight and she was spending every day at my house with me. My dad would bring her over and she would lay on my love seat with Griffin (our dog) on her lap, he loved watching over her. We would watch t.v. and chat about things. My precious daddy would do work from our study and would occasionally go in to work to take care of business. My brother would come over and help too. I was pregnant so I couldn't lift my mom to help her go to the bathroom or anything like that. I remember the news breaking about 9/11 and I can remember wanting to watch every ounce of news that they were reporting. We did watch some of it but it was upsetting my mom. At this point in her battle she couldn't really differentiate things that she heard. It really concerned her and stressed her out. She started worrying that we were going to be attacked. To make my mom feel better I switched the station, we started watching the cooking network which always made her happy. :o) I would get up every so often and go see what the news was saying about NYC. I was mourning with the country at this horrific event. For a brief moment my concerns switched to our country and all of the innocent lives that were taken that day. I couldn't believe this was happening. I remember it was a struggle to go back in with my mom and make sure to not let her see my sadness. Forgetting this was a delusion I was pulling off each day since she was diagnosed with brain cancer. I had become very good at hiding how terribly scared I was of loosing my best friend, my hero, the person I had always looked up to and imagined my children playing with everyday. My mom sadly lost her battle with cancer 18 days later. For years I couldn't even watch the news about 9/11 because to me it brought back so many horrible memories and thoughts about that day. Today while going through Facebook posts I noticed everybody was posting where they were when the news broke. Nobody will ever forget where they were when tragedy struck. We all share the same feeling of sadness and fear but I think we also share the feeling of hope.
